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what is a diary but an illusion on paper?

one million abandoned bars

in a smoky room walking through the crowd of strangers to you in the back worried there are millions of bars just like this there are millions of men just like me this moment has replayed millions of times and when i see you in the back and we kiss…

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coffee and wine

caffeine and black coffee and sex with your ex and ex and clubs and crying at 2 am   wine and long drives and blood on the car seats and doubt looking in your peach eyes doubt doubt doubt doubt   my love life is the same song on repeat…

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Lights

When we traveled to Seoul, we listened to it on repeat. Playing it again for the first time years, I’m surprised to find the memories have already been washed out. Now I’m walking on a foggy beach and the memories I had hoped to find are nowhere to be seen.

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love is

Love isn’t a choice It’s being pushed off a cliff And told “fly”

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broken

When you’re dating at 29, everyone’s had their heart broken twice. Sometimes it’s more, but rarely less. If you find a girl whose only had her heart broken once, she’s a keeper. If meet a girl whose heart has been broken many times, you can marry her if she’s beautiful….

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the fire

I don’t believe in being cynical, forever. I believe in the power of love. I believe in romance and candles and being swept away. I believe in crushing disappointment and building a new house together. I believe in looking through the ashes for memories worth keeping, finding none, and then…

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conformity

I’m in a football stadium for the first time in years and I feel the cultural gulf that separates me from America. Football is controlled violence. At a graduation ceremony and it’s a reminder how artificial it all is. Introducing a professor she mentions all his awards. And like the…

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frogs and bugs hum

summer a quiet lake a swing walking with a stranger the quiet night the quiet night a turtle living its turtle life a boy living his boy life whose watching me beneath the surface that’s what religion got wrong god is just as confused as I am just as in…

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never gonna leave this bed

China is lost. 2012 is lost. The summer is lost. The knowledge that you can only start over again so many times. The knowledge that you can never really start over again. Different women. The same desires. Still looking for something authentic about myself at 29. I never found myself,…

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beautiful women

beautiful women are a big problem. it was a normal morning then she entered the room, breaking my eggshell skull and the dirty yolk is staining my clothes and I can’t clean it off. I’m sticky and I can’t clean it up I need a shower. but she’s still there,…

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